It’s dark, I am wandering down a hallway , I am cold and the floor is icy slippery.  Suddenly, I am accosted and thrown into a room where I am forced to fight off these mutable demons that are lashing  out at me. I raise my sword to fight them off, but it’s heavy and I can hardly lift it. I try to punch and block  but my arms won’t move fast enough. Then I awake with a burst of air in my lungs, realizing it was just a dream. But a dream with meaning.

You see, I am a caregiver. For the past several years I have taken care of women and men who have been in decline, but this time I am caring for my mother. She from whom I came.It’s different this time. When people have asked what I do for the last decade I laugh. I used to have a busy massage and personal training practice and  then life changed.

 I was swept into the underworld of a Persephone like existence. I surrendered to this because I know I grow in layers like an onion. I know I’m here to serve and it has its difficulties. I had the honor of helping some fabulous people their final years. I was glad to be of help and learned a lot in the meantime. I cared for them, and I felt their pain, but this time it was more personal.

I am the daughter of a woman who is revered in her community. I must measure up. I must battle for her. The last several months  my sisters, my mother and I have worked on getting her stable. Since last November, Mom has been in and out of the hospital several times. Because I am the most knowledgeable in the field of Care giving, I decided to devote myself to taking care of her full-time.

Since I have taken over, Mom has not needed to go back into the hospital. I watch her carefully and correct things before they become critical and require hospitalization. This whole series of health issues came to a head when Mom went in for cataract surgery and they found she was in Afib. All this time her vision has become increasingly worse, she needs eye surgery and that requires a stable pulse. I arranged for her to see a new Cardiologist who prescribed some medication to help keep her more stable, and she has been getting stronger. 

 We have conferred with her medical staff to get her meds on track and I guide her nutrition and massage and stress management. When we visited her kidney doctor and told him about her last Cardiology apt and what’s gone on with her , he smiled and said I actually have some good news for you. We rarely hear good news, in fact, Mom and I get pretty anxious before any Dr’s appointment, fearing we will get more bad news! Her kidney Dr. went on to explain the results of Mom’s  latest lab work and the conclusion was Mom’s not only stable but she has improved. We were overjoyed.

When I brought mom home I sat down and wept..loud deep sobbing weeping.

I raised my imaginary sword and slayed that death angel trying to get us. Not today, not this month.